“I have seen all souls as my soul, and realized my soul is the soul of all.”
~ Hazrat Inayat Khan, Sufi Teacher & Writer
The idea of oneness is universal and timeless, and this oneness extends beyond community, religion, country or race. In fact, it goes beyond the concept of even species to unite the whole of existence in a moment in time.
As we delve deeper into life, the interconnectedness of everything becomes more apparent and we realise that everything we do to others, we do to ourselves. Yet with a rich diversity and differences in ideas, beliefs, opinions and way of life, it’s difficult to see others as a part of oneself.
In fact, sometimes the differences could not be more obvious and you struggle to find a sense of commonality with others. So how do you reconcile your apparent differences to explore a richer and more meaningful expression of life?
The shift in understanding happens when you realise that all that you dislike, resent or judge in others, actually might represent something that you deny or rather have not fully expressed in yourself. For example, suppose you are conscious of your weight, then any stray comment on the subject immediately might make you feel self-conscious or hurt. However, if you don’t subscribe any emotion or judgement to a particular opinion or fact, then a comment about the same ceases to affect you.
Similarly, we often end up feeling resentful of people whom we envy. For example, you might resent someone because they are very outspoken and you dislike outspokenness as a quality; but if you dig deeper you might realise that it is you who internally feels repressed or unable to express how you really feel. Because that person’s obvious exaggerated quality draws out that feeling of inadequacy in you, you feel resentful of him or her.
At times we are often blind to the presence of the very qualities in us that we resent in others. For instance, how many times have you been surprised by someone commenting on a particular facet of someone else that they themselves exhibit, and yet appear oblivious to it?
Every time you feel tempted to judge someone, hold back and check if the judgement is telling you something about your own inherent state of mind, rather than the other person.
Everyone we meet has a lesson to teach us about ourselves, but we can learn this lesson only when we decide to suspend judgement about the other and use that experience to better our sense of self-awareness.
The obvious question then arises: should we refrain from all judgement and wouldn’t that affect our quality of decision-making or the ability to make well-considered choices?
No, it wouldn’t.
The real question is not of judgement but of dispassionate observation and reflection. If you can view and explore a certain quality about someone to learn more about life or ourselves, then the other person becomes a guide or teacher. The natural consequence or outcome then, is understanding, compassion and even gratitude for the other person, even if you do not subscribe to their opinions and choices.
For example, Nelson Mandela who after spending 27 longs years of being unjustly imprisoned, could look beyond himself and the perpetrators to say this, “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.” Mandela did not allow his long incarceration to color his judgment nor prejudice him against a race. In fact, he used his experience to envision a vibrant and united country free from discrimination. Following his jail term, he embraced President F.W. de Klerk (the last head of state of South Africa under the apartheid era) and then served alongside him in a transitional coalition of national unity. The two men won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1993.
When you decide to refrain from judging people and instead use the insight to explore and challenge beliefs and assumptions, you build the path towards greater understanding, compassion, and happiness, both for yourself and others.