There is a delicate balance between assertiveness and aggressiveness; as there is with being too strict or too lenient, or too positive or too negative. Some tension is healthy, because if there is no tension, there is little progress.
The key is to find a way to be constructive and effective without being negative. Here are some tips to achieve this:
– being clear about the overall goal
– to focus on action and behavior and not the person
– to want a mutual benefit as an outcome
– to pick your battles (if everything is important than nothing becomes important!)
– to engage the recipient in what will be the best next steps and timeline
– to communicate the decisions and discussions in writing and confirming they are in accordance with their understanding (some people have short memories or only remember what they want to remember!)
– to follow up periodically on joint decisions made to create accountability and guidance
The above steps will help in achieving the delicate balance.