“It is not for me to judge another man’s life. I must judge, I must choose, I must spurn, purely for myself. For myself, alone.” Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha
Many of us attempt to know others before we even fully know ourselves. We judge, evaluate, and assess others without complete knowledge and understanding of where they come from.
It is difficult enough to know our own motivations, but knowing those of others is next to impossible.
As we reflect on how different we often really are inside compared to what we reveal on the surface, we need to ask ourselves how it is possible to judge another person whose inner feelings and thoughts we are unable to see.
Often, we get upset with other people without having full knowledge of the facts behind a particular action or behavior. When we are not sure and tempted to judge someone else harshly, let us try looking for his or her most positive side.
By giving people the benefit of the doubt, we are showing maturity and understanding – and hoping that they will do the same for us.
Our attitude toward others is a reflection of how we view ourselves. When we see beauty, we are ourselves beautiful.
Our judgment of others reflects our judgment of ourselves. We are often so quick to judge others that we do not realize that some of the weaknesses we find in others are the same weaknesses we possess ourselves – which is why we are so quick to spot them.
We can only evaluate others through our own inner frame of reference. Recently, I was putting my best effort into being a team player at home, and was consequently doing more work than usual in the house. I began to notice my wife, Farzana, taking it easy and not doing her share of the work, and formed a mental judgment of her that was quite unsettling. I carried that opinion of her within me for some time, and everything she did seemed to be wrong and further confirmed my judgment. The moment I let go of my opinion of her, I began to recognize the reality of things.
A few days later, we were having company at home and I watched in awe as Farzana took care of everything – from cleaning the house, cooking the meal, and setting the table to taking care of our children – while I continued with my work assignments. She did this naturally and without complaining. This incident reminded me of the years when I was heavily involved doing volunteer work, when I did hardly any work at home and Farzana shouldered most of the household responsibilities on top of taking care of our then newly born son.
I learned a valuable lesson from this experience: never form judgments without taking the time to put things in perspective.
(Excerpts from the book, ‘& Steps To Lasting happiness’ by Azim Jamal)