All life aims at harmony, but contrary to popular opinion, harmony does not arise from homogeneity. A major source of conflict in this world has risen out of the belief that once we are with ‘our own people’ (belonging to the same belief, race, gender or nation) we’ll be in harmony. Man has spent eons in conflict to create that perfect homogenous society. However, this has failed miserably.
The very nature of existence, the huge diversity of life itself, contradicts this philosophy. Just as a symphony is composed of different notes from different instruments, harmony in life, too, arises when diverse elements complement each other.
Our workplace is a microcosm in action, with people from different beliefs, backgrounds and working styles coming together in one place. Yet these same differences, that make us all unique, become a source of conflict. Instead of valuing these differences, we often seek to refute or neutralize them.
Workplace conflict is a leading cause of lost productivity. Research shows 60-80% of all problems in organizations come from strained relationships and not from deficits in individual employee’s skill or motivation.
Effects of workplace conflict include stress, anxiety, grievances, litigation, employee turnover and absenteeism. Though conflict cannot be wished away, it carries within itself the seed for major transformation and learning.
Learning to deal positively with conflict can not only impact your success at work, but also equip you with some major life insights.
Let us explore some ways to handle conflict.
Begin with the self – We are all born with personal challenges we need to understand and overcome. In fact, conflicts are an indication of issues that need attention from us.
Ask yourself:
• What are some of the issues around which I mostly seem to have conflict?
• What are some behaviors by other people that present a challenge to me?
• How do I respond when confronting such behaviors? If I had control, how would I prefer to respond?
• What are some things that I can do to empower myself to deal with these situations?
• Are there any mentors or colleagues, I can trust to give me honest feedback about the situation?
Stay cool and focus on the objective – A minor disagreement can quickly snowball into a major conflict when egos get involved. A common indication is when we stop listening to understand, and start listening to build ammunition for a counterattack. Instead of assigning blame, a peaceful and empowering resolution for both sides should be the endpoint. Hence, whenever you feel your anger clouding your judgment, seek your inner space. Deep breathing, counting backwards from ten, drinking water, taking a walk – identify what works best for you.
Seek to understand – The cause of anger is often rooted in fear; fear of being taken for granted, not being good enough, betrayal, loss of power/ identity etc. Hence the best way to deal with an angry person is by listening with an open heart and undivided attention. Do not check your cellphone or computer or avoid eye contact. Once people sense your intent, they will calm down. In fact, conversations like these are eye-openers as to what a person might really be feeling. So take some time to digest what’s being said, decide the best response and then articulate your side calmly.