True love is selfless. It is free and liberated. It encourages change and growth. Love is timeless, and deep love continues to live even after our death. Love that is not expressed, however, does not reach its fullest potential, because the more one expresses love, the deeper it becomes.
We do recognize that giving love often takes effort. How many people think they are too busy with their own lives to give time and love to others? How many really support the people close to them? Support means encouragement. It means unconditional love. It means letting go of your plans for how you think their life should go and accepting them for what they themselves want to do with their lives. This is one of the greatest gifts that you can give to the people close to you.
Forgiving people for past mistakes and hurts is also a way to express love, and forgiveness is a wonderful thing to give. Like you, other people are only imperfect humans. Keeping hurt and anger in your life is often an excuse to avoid getting close to people for fear they will hurt you again. People want to know that they are special in your life and that you care about them. If fear is keeping you from loving them — if, for example, there is a conversation that you want to have with someone, but are afraid to — our advice is to express it: have the conversation anyway, in spite of your fear! Sometimes you just have to take a risk, which can be a sincere form of love.
For example, Michelle did not like the way her mother was always putting pressure on her to get married. She especially didn’t like it when her mom did this in front of relatives and guests. That really hurt Michelle. She was 37 and wanted to get married, and the last thing she needed was embarrassment and pressure. Michelle finally confronted her mother in a “private chat.” She told her mom that she really wanted to get married, just as much as her mom wanted her to. However, Michelle warned her mother that when she brought up this issue in front of other people, she was making Michelle ever more resistant to the idea of marriage. Michelle told her mother that she would be happy to discuss this one-to-one with her, but that she should stop bringing it up in front of other people. Michelle’s mother was relieved to know that her daughter was seriously looking for a partner, and she did not want to rock the boat. Things got better after the talk, even though there were occasional lapses. After all, it is Mom we are talking about!
Finally, never procrastinate when it comes to offering love. Not long ago, Azim attended the funeral of Ronale Sanjay Naidu, a friend’s 21-year-old son. It was a remarkable experience seeing how deeply everyone was affected by the loss of a talented young man. The parents’ grief was deep and painful. Azim vividly remembers the cries of pain from the father and the mother as they came out of the cremation ceremony for their son. The family members and friends of the departed child knelt for hours, dumbfounded and grieving the loss of such a young man. There was a sense of utter loss all around, yet at the same time there was unity in response to the great loss. Everyone was united in the grieving and everyone wanted each other’s support. Each gave to the other whatever comfort they could in this very difficult circumstance. It is good to have this kind of giving, love, and support at such a time, but it should not only be saved for the death of a loved one. Give all the love you can to your family and friends while they are still alive, and tell them often that you love them.
(Excerpt from the book, ‘The Power Of Giving’ by Azim Jamal & Harvey McKinnon)