Good to Great: How Coaches and Mentors can be the Difference!

In the upcoming 7-part series, we will select excerpts from my latest book, SPARK: Journey from Success to Significance, where we will explore the main protagonist, Steve Harmon’s indelible odyssey to a life of significance and impact. In each excerpt, we will examine the deeper meanings of his adventures, as well as possible practical applications of them in our lives.

This week, we are jumping to Part 3 of the book. Okay, wait, I know what you’re thinking: “The title of the post is ‘Steve’s Story – Part 2’ so why are you skipping to Part 3, Azim? Great question! Let’s tackle this…

Last week, we learned how embracing life’s unpredictability can lead to the most profound moments in your transformation. Yet, to optimize the learning and growth of these unexpected experiences, it often requires an outside perspective. One of wisdom and insight beyond what you may possess. 

Steve, in his journey through India, faces many challenges that he constantly questions. In the midst of his many soul searches, he serendipitously encounters a stranger who turns out to be the very sage he needs on his path to Knowing.

During his walk to Mcleod Ganj, a small hilly suburb, a few miles from Steve’s main destination in Dharamsala, he spotted a beautifully blooming apricot tree. Feeling famished, he proceeded to try and knock some apricots down. After much struggle, his actions yielded only one tiny apricot, still hard and green. He was about to take his next shot at a branch when a tall, stocky man in his mid-60’s shouted from behind:

“Stop … how much more damage will you do?!” 

Linking his arms behind his back, the man took a short, slow walk around the tree, stopping, and peering at it closely. After completing a few rounds, he picked his spot, rolled back his sleeves, then extended his arm and gently tapped one section of a branch. Two apricots immediately fell, rolling down among the dry leaves below. He circled around once again and tapped at another branch, and a few more fruits dropped into a bed of leaves.

Steve watched the ritual with his jaw hanging open. But that was only the first of many jaw-dropping emotions Steve would feel in this short but enlightening encounter. 

While helping Steve pluck apricots, the man proceeds to articulate one life lesson after the other, sparking Steve to re-evaluate his beliefs and priorities. He couldn’t help but think about how the Apricot Man exemplifies the unexpected but influential figures that occasionally appear in our lives—friends, mentors, colleagues, or family members who guide and inspire us, propelling us toward significant breakthroughs in personal and professional realms.

So what beliefs and approaches was the Apricot Man helping Steve examine? Let’s explore a couple of excerpts:

When Steve questions how the Apricot Man felt his way around the tree to coolly drop the fruit, he struggles to pick: 

“If you had spent a few minutes observing the tree, you would have known which apricots you could guide down to the ground,” the man said. “You see, when the tree senses the fruit is ripe, it usually drops it on its own. At best, it needs a gentle nudge. You don’t need to throw stones or beat it with sticks.

It so happens that it’s not just you who yearns for the fruit. The tree wants to give it up, too. For you, it’s sustenance, and for the tree, it’s the propagation of seeds.

So next time, remember, young man,” the man said, “before you use force or demand anything, just spend some time observing the situation with fresh eyes. You might discover that what you seek is also seeking you.”

On Steve’s skepticism of the Apricot Man’s guidance to respect the simple process of observation, propagation and nature’s instinctive cycle for giving and receiving:

“Hmm, beautiful philosophy,” Steve replied, chomping on the apricot, its sweet-tart juices filling his mouth with music.  “That might work for nature… but out there … in the real world, … not very practical. It can’t be all nice and rosy …Out there, you need to have a killer instinct.”

“And who are you planning to kill … with this instinct?”, The apricot man asked.

“What?” asked Steve with a crumpled, confused face.

“Where are you planning to use this killer instinct? Who do you want to kill? Your customers?”

“Well … I … ” Steve wasn’t sure how to reply. He had never thought about it like that.

“And once you kill your customers, who are you planning to sell to next time? Or do you plan to keep moving from market to market, leaving destruction in your wake? And what happens when you have killed all your customers?”

“OK … I don’t mean to kill customers. But what about the competition? You need to eliminate the competition. Surely you need to have a killer instinct for that.”, Steve argued.

“Eliminating competition… so that means you think only you should have the right to run your business? No one else? Am I correct?”

Steve shrugged. “Well … kind of.”

So, what will you do when there is no longer any competition? Start making a killing from your customers? You have to use that killer instinct somewhere.”

“Yes, why not? Kill competition and become the market leader,” Steve replied adamantly.

“For how long?”

“What do you mean? As long as possible,” Steve replied. 

“So, you agree, this market leadership cannot continue indefinitely? You might stomp out the competition, but somebody, somewhere, will eventually find a way to simply change the rules of the game. As Uber did with the taxicab industry. Then, what will you do? There will be no more making a killing since all your cannon fodder will have migrated to the new market. And if you spend all your time killing competition, when do you plan to run your business?”

“Well, that’s a very simplified way of looking at it.”

“It’s only when you simplify your ideas and spell them out that you see them for what they truly are: gold or garbage.”

In these two small exchanges, we witness how the mentor masterfully becomes a mirror for the seeker’s own thoughts and ideas. By asking probing questions and challenging mainstream assumptions, the sage compels deeper thought and re-evaluation of beliefs and values. By using the apprentice’s own past and present life experiences, the Apricot Man illustrates, dissects, and helps Steve understand the complexities that could be the difference between achieving fleeting success and lasting significance.

So now that we have expounded on Steve’s teaching moments with the Apricot Man, let’s understand how a mentor or coach can help you examine and explore ideas and approaches that can make a material difference to your personal and professional ambitions:

1. Unlocking Potential

Often, you are too close to your own life to see the broader picture. A coach/mentor can often observe patterns that may be stunting your growth by acting more as a sounding board than a direct advisor. By posing the right questions and providing tailored feedback, he/she can help you gain self-awareness and navigate through personal barriers. This personalized approach fosters self-discovery, helping you identify and leverage your strengths effectively.

2. Providing Accountability

While setting goals is the initial step, consistently achieving them is where many falter. Coaches/mentors instill a sense of accountability, pushing you to not only adhere to your commitments but to exceed your own expectations. This external motivation is often what you need to transform your aspirations into tangible successes.

3. Enhancing Decision-Making Skills

With their wealth of experience, mentors/coaches offer insights that significantly refine your decision-making abilities. They help you recognize unproductive thought patterns and challenge preconceived notions, fostering a mindset geared towards strategic and thoughtful decisions. Their guidance is invaluable in navigating complex situations and avoiding potential setbacks.

4. Accelerating Learning

The journey of self-improvement is synonymous with continuous learning, which can be expedited with the aid of a mentor/coach. Instead of traversing a trial-and-error path alone, their proven strategies and methods provide a more efficient learning curve. Coaches also challenge you to venture beyond your comfort zones, catalyzing growth in areas we might not explore independently.

5. Emotional Support

Personal growth involves navigating through a myriad of challenges and setbacks. During such times, the emotional support provided by coaches / mentors is indispensable. They offer encouragement and reassurance, helping you remain resilient and focused. Moreover, they create a safe space for sensitive discussions, allowing you to gain perspective without feeling judged. This supportive environment is crucial for sustaining motivation and deepening your understanding of your personal and professional life.

The path to personal and professional excellence is often marked by incremental steps and, occasionally, by significant quantum leaps. Coaches and mentors can play a pivotal role in facilitating your leap from good to great. If you are committed to achieving profound growth, engaging with a mentor or coach is not merely beneficial—it is essential! Their guidance not only helps you navigate the growth path more effectively but also enriches your journey with seasoned insights and unwavering support.

I leave you with this final thought – One of the biggest hallmarks of effective guides like the Apricot Man is their temperament, demeanour and humility. The way they teach is the way they learn. The way they talk is the way they walk. They live all they give with peace and purpose. As the great Mahatma Gandhi once replied when a reporter asked, “Gandhiji Gandhiji, what is your message? His answer was simple and clear, “My life is my message!”