Every child is born essentially pure, magnificent, yet fragile and unformed. But instead of nurturing this essence, society shrouds it with their prejudices, opinions, and biases in a bid to shape the child in their own image.
Gradually these conditionings force the child to borrow or construct a false self as a defensive reaction. This false self is the ego. Many people spend a lifetime living this false image and trying to fulfill expectations of who they are supposed to be, instead of discovering who they are.
People often confuse this false idea of the self (negative ego) with honor or respect. Often the elements of family, culture, religion instead of adding richer dimensions to our being become our fortresses, which not only separate us from others but also cloak our own inner splendor.
But this true self can only be repressed – not obliterated. Hence, sooner or later, this repression becomes the root cause of conflict at work, in relationships, and between countries.
Some of the other negative effects of the ego include:
– Weakens collaboration with others
– Diminishes authenticity
– Creates a scarcity mindset
– Builds barriers to learning
– Promotes fear and distrust
– Encourages destructive behaviour
Recognizing and dropping this false ego means letting go of all that is deceptive or artificial about us, and reclaiming our true magnificence, our positive pride.
Positive pride is when you look at your talents as a blessing from the universe. You use them to make a positive difference to others. People with positive pride are confident, open, and selfless.
The difference between ego and positive pride is well explained in this Serbian proverb: “Be humble, for you are made of earth; be noble, for you are made of stars.” So while we have the capacity to rise to the stars, we also have to return back to the Earth.
To conclude, when we talk about “I” and “You” we are looking at ourselves as separate from each other, with individual egos. But when we give up our egos “You” and “I” become one. We are transformed. This is the final stage that spirituality aims to bring about in our lives, a goal a Sufi would aspire to reach!