Genuine curiosity takes you a long way in the art of listening! Mastering the art of listening can help us build and strengthen relationships, solve problems, build understanding, resolve conflicts, reduce errors and improve accuracy. The following are seven ways to enhance the art of listening:
1. Give your full attention – Whatever you do, do it in totality. When you listen, then simply listen. Do not check your phone, or run mental errands, or gaze out of the window, or get lost in your thoughts. Look at him/her, even if they don’t look at you. Make conscious yet gentle eye contact, observe their expressions and gestures, hear the pitch and intonation of their voice.
2. Avoid interrupting the speaker – Interrupting the speaker is disrespectful. Wait for them to complete. If there is point you have not understood, wait for them to pause and then ask them to rephrase or repeat the point you missed.
3. Refrain from immediate reaction/judgment – Even if you disagree with everything that the speaker says, try to begin your conversation with something you can agree with. This can include just allowing or acknowledging that they are feeling a certain way.
4. Empathize – While we can never truly understand what the other is feeling, we can certainly imagine ourselves in their situation. Empathy is the essence of good listening. To experience empathy, you have to put yourself in the other person’s place and allow yourself to feel what it is like to be them at that moment. This is not an easy thing to do and takes conscious effort, but it has the power to transform the quality of your outcomes.
5. Desist from offering unsolicited advice – When listening to someone talk about a problem, refrain from suggesting solutions, unless asked. Most people are not seeking advice, but only someone who can listen to them, validate their feelings.
6. Ask questions only to ensure understanding – Don’t ask questions to impress or divert the topic. Ensure your questions pertain to the topic of discussion. If you see that your question has veered the other off course, take responsibility for getting the conversation back on track.
7. Give feedback – An ideal conversation includes three primary components, constructive questions, unmistakable clarity on the main points, and a sharing of related stories that confirm mutual understanding. This is especially critical when dealing with future obligations or the way forward.
Finally, treating a person as the most enlightened person you ever met not only is the highest respect you can pay anyone but also creates a huge instant positive shift in your art of listening!