Attending to difficult discussions with someone close can lead to two outcomes. Either a lot of stress, argument, defensiveness, or alternatively objective discussion leading to a mutually beneficial breakthrough.
To achieve the latter, you have to be calm with only one objective, which is to create a breakthrough outcome that is mutually beneficial.
You will be pleasantly surprised if you do not defend anything you do not agree with. Instead, listen objectively and ensure that the other person realizes that you understand what they are saying, and repeat what you have understood emphatically.
Having done the above, you can then share your feelings and watch with pleasant surprise a manifestation of a mutually beneficial outcome.
For more tips on enhancing your life experience, read our forthcoming book, ‘What You Seek is Seeking You’ by Azim Jamal & Brian Tracy.
Some people push you until you react. Sometimes one needs to react when people cross boundaries.
If people insult you and continuously make derogatory remarks, you have to put a stop to it, otherwise people will continually take advantage of you.
You need to make them realize that there is a limit to everything. You do not want to pick every battle, but pick those that matter.
Becoming defensive and reacting is easy when you have someone aggressive in your family or your business.
However, not taking things personally and remaining objective requires discipline, patience and wisdom.
When you take things personally or become defensive you become part of the problem creator. On the other hand, if you calmly understand the other person’s perspective, you show respect which usually leads to the problem being diffused.
People are different; and that is bad and good.
Bad because they can frustrate you, fail to understand you and fail to understand your outlook just like you fail to understand their outlook.
The good part is they teach you to keep an open mind, to value diversity, to be humble and realize that there are many different perspectives to life and yours is not the only one.
You learn unity in diversity and empathy when you experience differences with those close to you.
When someone says something that puts you down or really upsets you, do not react and hit back.
Let me explain why. By not reacting or hitting back you diffuse the derogatory remark. If you react or hit back, you enhance and give the comment energy.
Now it is very difficult not to react. How do you improve in this exercise? Practice it before it happens. Usually the people who make you defensive are few and close ones. So when you are sitting quietly by yourself role play a negative comment which is usually a recurring one. See your blood boil but choose to say to yourself: “I would much rather be peaceful than be right. By someone saying something does not change the truth.” And experience not reacting and feeling peaceful.
However, you want to differentiate between denial and objective refusal to react. Denial is where you are ignoring the truth.
I find that each time I do some good, things get smoother for me. I cannot logically explain why and how. It could be psychological: You feel good and when you feel good you are more energetic.
A few days ago, I took my mum to the doctors despite a huge pile up work on my plate. Once I had done that, there was a sense of peace and calm inside me. Next thing, I zoomed through some very important work with ease.
When you do good, whatever the good it may be, you invite some goodness back.
Some people cannot understand this concept fully. All I can say is try to give unconditionally and experience it yourself.
Have you ever experienced this paradox?
We identify with sports teams and agonize over their results.
We identify with our name and the social mirror and agonize over what others think. We identify with our close ones, profession, career, business and are affected by any comments or happenings around them.
If you live in the moment and have no identification, you experience freedom, creativity, innovation, energy and liberty!